The Only Doctor For Me

I truly do not like my doctor. That is my primary care doctor. But I am tethered to her by a million strings that are all knotted up like a 16 year-old's stomach on prom night. Yes I will find a new one. No really, for sure this time, I swear it. Honestly. This is the last straw. See my back- I'm the camel and it just broke.

Damn- I just called myself a camel.

Truthfully, I am not going to find a new doctor right now because of all those invisible strings. I have to get them untangled and then untied and then I can move on. But geez Louise! When did medical care get so complicated? What happened to the good old days of Dr. Saffer with his creepy clip-on koala attached to his stethoscope and the little glass finger pricker blood taking thingies? I'd even go back to the therapist in high school who always offered me coffee even though I was 15 or so. I always refused until finally I gave in and she got me hooked while she sat cross legged in her hippie skirts with her too-long-for-her-age hair and looked dopey. Although actually- I kind of should be looking at that fondly because I do really, really like coffee.

Anyway- you would think that living just a short ride from Boston I could get the best medical team I wanted but as it turns out- they all gave up and turned to research or teaching. You have to do everything piecemeal. A doctor here, a doctor from over there, ooh- I'll take the specialist in the sporty red tie... It is exhausting.

Of course it is clear from this that I have the need of a medicine man or woman, shaman or voodoo priestess or maybe 10. So that must mean I have a bit of a headache, or a tummy ache, or a slight tickle when I cough. Let's run with those concerns and leave the others out of it for now. So I guess I must be a bit tuckered as is. Which leads me to think I might not have a bucket of time and energy for calling doctors, looking for people who also have tummy aches who might have good docs, calling the insurance company, doing interviews and then picking up and moving from one medical trailer park to another. Damn.

Thus I am deciding that I will search for only one doctor and although he remains somewhat elusive, he is often seen at the local drugstore/pharmacy so I might be able to get a hold of him. I actually only assume it is a him. But he is my friend, my go-to-guy, my pick-me-up and brush me off, my kick in the pants and my Calgon take me away all in one.

Yes- as you may have guessed I am speaking of the highly praised, sweet and effervescent,

Diet Cherry Dr. Pepper.
mmmmm

There is of course his precursor regular Diet Dr. Pepper, but my allegiance has been sworn (although Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper would have been my first choice but he seems to have been placed into witness protection as their is no sign of him in the area... I yearn... ) and though my doctor is often unavailable when I need him mostly due to a plot against me by the local grocery stores- I know that the drugstore will get my back most of the time.

Still- he doesn't do lab tests and I am pretty sure I can't trust him to accurately assess liver function test results. But he has yet to be an ass to me . I'll see how small they make stethoscopes.

You may have guessed I have had a few too many Diet Cherry Dr. Peppers by now. Imagine if I drank what my posts would read like...